Mockter Who: The Epic Final Doctor
by Mythcatcher
Summary: Once again, the Time lord has regenerated. The result is a new personality, new companion, and new plot twists that perhaps no Whovian would ask for in their right mind. I am not against Doctor Who, but please understand that this short story is a spoof for entertainment and should not be taken seriously. T for suggestive humor, mild innuendo and brief gore. Feel free to comment.


The Epic Final Doctor

The flesh of the Doctor's face ignited and began to transform. Once again, it was time for him to regenerate. Not far away, a woman noticed the spectacle and cautiously approached to investigate. The Time lord let out a small shout as the regenerating completed. He observed his new body as he had done several times before. His hair had darkened, and his skin lightened. "Good, not ginger," he commented. Almost immediately, he noticed his neatly trimmed goatee and moustache. "Yehesss! Facial hair! And this is new." His skin was covered in glowing hieroglyphs, and his ears were like those of a cat. The Doctor then noticed the woman who now came near.

She spoke in disbelief. "Doctor? I thought you were out of regenerations! How did you generate again?"

The Doctor shrugged with an impish grin. "Dumb luck," he answered. His blue and brown eyes scanned his interrogator. "So what's your name, beautiful?"

"Random," said the woman.

"Your last name's not 'Dent', is it?"

"No, it's 'Companion'," said Random Companion. Noticing the new Doctor seemed distracted, Random continued. "The Daleks are coming to destroy the planet."

"Daleks," smirked the Timelord as he attempted to put his arm around Random. "I can stop them again. Let's go."

"Where's the TARDIS and Sonic Screwdriver?" asked Random while guiding the Doctor's arm away.

The Doctor winked and pulled his trousers down slightly. "Uhho, I got a Sonic Screwdriver right here, if you know what I'm talking about."

"I'm serious, Doctor," snapped Random.

The Time lord huddled in his coat and gave the woman a hurt look. Just as quickly, he stood tall and pointed behind himself. "The lil' blue box is over there. Follow me."

The Doctor and his companion soon stood at the base of the TARDIS. "I have to warn you," said the Doctor. "This TARDIS is smaller on the inside than it is on the outside." His mouth curled into a sly smile. "That means we have to get close," he whispered to Random.

"Brilliant," Random sighed and got into the TARDIS after the Doctor.

The TARDIS spiraled through time and came to its destination. The door opened. Random began to step out of the machine but felt something stop her. "You can let go now," she growled at the Doctor as he clung to her waist with his chin on her shoulder. Reluctantly, the Time lord let go and followed Random.

"So what's the plan?" asked Random.

The Doctor threw his arms into the air. "Anything we want! Because the planet is saved!"

"What? But we haven't done anything!" protested Random Companion.

"Speak for yourself," said the Doctor. "You see, I already saved the planet from the Daleks. It was a long, painful, dangerous, and sort of funny plan. But it worked, and the Daleks are gone. I forget the details, because I kind of skipped that part. Long story short, we traveled to the future in which I have already saved the planet. You want to get some food?"

"You can't do that, you shouldn't," said Random.

"Nobody expects a 45 minute TV episode to conclude in two seconds! Oh yeah!" proclaimed the Time lord with a little dance.

The celebration was cut short by a yell from Random.

The Doctor looked in her direction and was met by the motionless figure of a weeping angel. "I had a hunch this sort of revenge would be the result of my plan," he said while keeping his eyes locked on the angel. He cringed and took the Sonic Screwdriver from his coat. He gasped as he used it to pluck out his brown eye. Then he fastened the eye like a gruesome ornament to the angel's outstretched arm. "I'll be watching you," he giggled. He summoned a handful of Nano genes to heal his wound. The tiny wonders crafted a new eye in the Doctor's socket, so he became good as new and could still watch the angel.

The Doctor returned to the TARDIS and vanished through time and space. The TARDIS reappeared, and the Time lord poked his head out to greet Random. "Hello! I saved you again, but I skipped that scene."

"This is boring, Doctor! Why do you keep skipping the adventures?" complained Random.

The Doctor stretched and pointed his elbows to the sky. "It gives us time for other activities," he reasoned. "Various, fun activities. The usual, you know, make people happy, mature the ratings, destroy what little reputation the BBC has left."

"Doctor!"

"I wasn't completely serious," whined the Doctor.

"You never are," replied Random.

The Time lord pulled his companion close and gave her a passionate kiss. Random pulled away in outrage. The Doctor smiled. "I know that's what you wanted. I would desire me too. After all, time is short-no it's not." He gave Random's thigh a playful swat. "Let's go get dinner," he whispered. Suddenly, he flinched.

Random raised the Doctor's chin with the Sonic Screwdriver she took from him when he was not looking. She mirrored his sly smile on her own face. "All right, Doctor. Let's."


End file.
